The Young and the Slayers
by Hizzy
Summary: A slayers soap opera! Whee!


Ah, my first Slayers fanfic! Let the good times roll!  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Slayers and doubt I ever will.  
SUMMARY: What happens when the Slayers appear on a soap opera? I wouldn't know, but here's an idea of what it might be like...Oh! Who am I kidding? It wouldn't be anything like this! Are you satisfied?  
-MeowthMix  
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*Scene opens in a lobby at a hotel. Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Zelgadis, and Filia are entering*  
LINA: That hurricane came up rather fast, didn't it?  
GOURRY: I'll say! You're soaked!  
LINA: You're even wetter than I am, you stupid idiot! *to herself* Why must I continue to insult the one I secretly love? It tortures me to do so! I wish I could tell him how I really feel! But...but I can't....because an evil witch put a curse on me! Anyone who knows I love them will die! It was especially tragic for every member of my family! How I miss them and-  
GOURRY: Why are you talking to yourself, Lina?  
LINA: Uh...no reason...  
AMELIA: Well, I suppose we'll be spending the night here.  
ZEL: I just spoke with the innkeeper. He said that there are only two rooms left so I suppose that means Amelia and I will be bunking up tonight.  
GOURRY: Right. Lina, that leaves you and me.  
LINA: I already figured that out, moron! Oh! There I go again!  
GOURRY: What?  
LINA: Shut up! ...Darn it!  
GOURRY: Huh?  
LINA: Lets go see the rooms!  
FILIA: What about me?  
LINA: You can sleep in the lobby!  
FILIA: Hey!  
*Lina and Gourry leave*  
AMELIA: So what would you like to do Mr. Ze- *ah-choo!*  
ZEL: Amelia! Are you all right? You must have gotten sick from standing out in the rain! This is all my fault!  
AMELIA: It's all right, I'm fi- *faints*  
ZEL: NOOOOOO! You wanted to wait until the storm was over but I selfishly forced you to keep going! How could I do such a thing? I don't deserve to live! *tries to slit his writs with a knife but then remembers that it won't do anything to his chimera body* Drat! I go through this every day! I'm just so ashamed of my body that I try to kill myself but I just can't! If only there was a way for me to die...or better yet, a cure for my horrible appearance... *Amelia coughs unconsciously somehow* But first I'll have to help Amelia...before she dies!  
*Scene changes to Lina and Gourry*  
GOURRY: More tea, Lina?  
LINA: Yes, please, you stupid dope! ARGH! I mean, yes, please, Gourry!  
GOURRY: *to himself* Why does she keep making fun of me? Sure, I may have the IQ of a fruit fly but that's no reason to call me stupid! Wait...maybe it is... Great! Now I'm getting confused! Some day I'll tell Lina that I don't like the way she treats me! Then we'll kiss passionately and make out! Hehehehe...  
LINA: What's so funny?  
GOURRY: Us making out.  
LINA: Oh.  
GOURRY: Here's your tea!  
LINA: Thanks, octopus brain! ...Not again!  
GOURRY: ...So...how is it?  
LINA: Horrible! Even a two-year-old can make tea!  
GOURRY: Uh...Lina, you made the tea...  
LINA: And that's exactly why it's so delicious.  
*Scene changes to Zelgadis and the unconscious Amelia*  
*...Oh, and the doctor's there, too...*  
ZEL: Is she OK, doc?  
DOC: I'm afraid she's pregnant.  
ZEL: What!?  
DOC: I mean, she's dying.  
ZEL: Isn't there anything you can do?  
DOC: Well, I could just give her some flu medicine but it's still experimental...she could wind up dead and that's not a risk I'm willing to take.  
ZEL: But she'd die anyway...  
DOC: Yes, but then it wouldn't be my fault.  
ZEL: I see...  
DOC: *to himself* I hate my job. Every time I tell a family the bad news they act like it's my fault! Well, I'm not the one to blame! Why did I ever start in this line of work? I knew it would be this way. I knew it ever since the day my sister got her tonsils out...I was at the hospital waiting to see Pam (that was her name) but I saw doctor talking to a mother and her three young children. He told them that there beloved dog had passed away on the operating table. The youngest of the children, who was only 2.34123423 years old, pulled out a gun and shot the doctor. They blamed that doctor just like they blame me now! I just wish I could-  
ZEL: Uh...should I come back later?  
DOC: This is supposed to be my soliloquy! You can't hear me, jerk!  
ZEL: Sorry...  
DOC: No! You're not sorry! It's my fault she's dying! Tell me that it's my fault!  
ZEL: It's your fault?  
DOC: AH! Stop blaming me like that! You're just like everyone else! *pulls out a gun* I'll show you!  
ZEL: Listen, if you're done now, I'd like to be alone with Amelia.  
DOC: Should I take the blonde girl with me?  
FILIA: Amelia's my friend, too!  
ZEL: Yeah, take her away.  
FILIA: Zelgadis! How can you be so rude! I come to visit Amelia in the hospital and then you just throw me out as if I'm just...just a piece of trash! *to herself* It's just that I- *the doctor drags her away*  
ZEL: Oh, Amelia! I'm so sorry! I never meant for this to happen! If only you could forgive me...  
AMELIA: I forgive you.  
ZEL: You're alive! It's a miracle!  
AMELIA: Miracle? I just got a little cold that's- *dies*  
ZEL: Darn...  
*Scene changes to Filia*  
FILIA: How dare he! From this day forward, I will seek revenge on that ill-mannered, rock-skinned, little-  
*Xellos appears*  
XELLOS: Why, hello, Fillia. Sure is lovely weather we've been having...  
FILIA: Oh! What are you doing here!? *to herself* If only I could tell him how I truly feel...Wait! I can! *to Xellos* I have something very important to tell you.  
XELLOS: What might that be?  
FILIA: I...I...I hate you, Xellos. I hate you with all my heart!   
XELLOS: I've been waiting my whole life for you to say that! I feel exactly the same way!  
FILIA: What a relief!  
XELLOS: Yes, now let's never meet again.  
*They walk in separate directions*  
*Scene changes to Lina and Gourry*  
LINA: ...So....  
GOURRY: ...So....  
*Zelgadis runs in*  
ZEL: Amelia died!  
LINA: Good for her.  
ZEL: ...Just a couple minutes ago! I'm so jealous! I wanted to die! Not her! It's not fair!  
LINA: You want to die, huh? *to herself* This is the chance I've been waiting for! I've been wanting to tell Zelgadis I love him. If I tell him then the curse will make him die! Oh sure, I love Gourry, too, but what harm can come from me telling Zel I love him right in front of Gourry? I mean, they all know I'm in love with many, many guys...Xellos...Zangulus...some guy named Steve...  
AMELIA: Hey, look! The storm just cleared up!   
GOURRY: Cool! Let's get going!  
ZEL: Whee! It's so sunny! Let's go jump in the puddles!  
*Lina, Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis all run outside and play, totally forgetting about Filia, and the doctor, who still plotted to shoort Zel*  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Now, wasn't that fun?  
-MeowthMix  
  
  
  



End file.
